Changes

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.”― Heraclitus

Photo by Jed Owen on Unsplash

Hi friends,

I’m writing to you from Waco, TX. It’s been a little over six months since I wrote my last ‘stack. In that time, the Saps have relocated from Austin to Waco, road tripped through the southwest, spent three weeks in California, and swam for countless hours at Waco Surf. I’m currently on the last week of my summer stint of paternity leave (Cloudflare is very generous, and it’s widely considered one of the best places for working parents).

It feels like the only constant in our life for a very long time has been change. Since deciding to leave Virginia for Texas at the start of 2024, we’ve moved a total of four times. Career turbulence led us to Austin, where I landed a job with Cloudflare. While my time with Cloudflare has been an unqualified blessing, Austin, despite its many benefits, was not a good fit for our family. We’ve been in Waco’s orbit for a number of years now, and even considered moving here in 2019 prior to Jenoa getting a job at Christ Episcopal Church in Charlottesville. Waco’s proximity to both family in Glen Rose and my office in Austin, low cost of living, a welcoming parish that preaches the gospel, and over family-friendliness has made it a good fit for us. In many ways, it feels like we’re finally home.

That’s not to say life has been without change, though. When I return to work next Monday, I’ll be starting a new role within Cloudflare: as an engineering manager on the Cloudflare Workers Builds and Automation team. I’ve worked in software development for over nine years now, and have even done some engineering management, but I felt that it was time to double down on my work and take the next step. I’ve always enjoyed by leading and empowering people, and wanted to try my hand working as a force multiplier of other developers. Cloudflare’s mix of scale, agility, and impact have energized me in a way that no other company has, and I’m excited by the opportunity and challenge to help grow our developer platform.

Another, more subtle change, has been in my reading, writing, and thinking habits. I think this has been a long time coming, but Isaac’s birth finally accelerated it.

I struggle to articulate the change, but the best way I can say it is that “critique” no longer interests me. For a long time I drew a sense of identity from being an observer of culture/society and riffing on its shortcomings. As an English major, I think I always felt a perverse sense of pride that I was more clever than others. Through asking “big questions” and lamenting the “commodification” of things, I thought I could “see through” the bullshit out there.

I think I still feel this tendency, but it bores me now. That’s not to say I don’t have opinions — I still very much do. But I don’t think I have much to say that other voices aren’t already saying ad nauseam.

Being a parent of two children has forcefully reminded me of my limits, both in time and energy. When I say “time”, I don’t mean in the “there’s not enough hours in the day to do everything I want” sense (though I certainly feel that at times). I mean in my mortality. I’ve come to realize that I get one shot at all of this, and how I choose to spend my thoughts and actions is how I choose to spend my life.

Watching Etta and Isaac grow has made me intensely aware of my finitude. It’s been a forcing function for me to ask what I want my impact to have been when everything is said and done. What do I want my legacy to be?

I don’t write any of this to disparage the work others are doing asking big questions about society, technology, philosophy — maybe I’ll even do that myself sometimes if I find it fruitful. But for myself and my relationships (what in F3 we call a man’s concentrica), I have to ruthlessly ask if a given activity is going to build and strengthen them.

I don’t know where that leaves this newsletter. I really do enjoy writing. But I’m not sure I have anything to say in this season, and I’m okay with that. I think the words of the Teacher are a fitting close:

The words of the wise are as goads, and as nails fastened by the masters of assemblies, which are given from one shepherd. And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh. Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.

And those of the Revelator:

And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.

<3

Robbie